by LJ
- By Lynne Blundell
There are four themes that pervade my life; learning to love myself, personal growth, a yearning for peace and the ubiquitous difficulties that arise between the internal mind and the external world. It is no wonder then, that one of my first paintings that brought together my counselling work and love of art involved the Carl Rogers’ quote; “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself as I am, then I can change.” (Rogers, 2004, p.17) I still struggle with this paradox and my journey, I suspect like many, is one that involves creating space in life where self-acceptance, personal growth and resting in self-care are all somehow held, perhaps gently juggled or nestled somewhere together, within.
I am a trainee person-centred counsellor, currently in my second year of a Diploma in Therapeutic Counselling and I am also an artist; painter, mum and writer amongst other things. I have my own art business that I started up 3 years ago and is still in the early stages of growth. I wanted to write this piece to share some of my work in the hope that it comforts and inspires but also to talk about how my art has naturally evolved into a way to connect with people that struggle with mental health. Art is also part of my own personal development and I feel that this journey through art exemplifies self-actualisation in its subtleties.
When I began to create art, something that I would often ask myself was “What does your art do Lynne?” and I floundered trying to find a coherent and useful answer. Art was originally something I used to aid my own counselling that I had some years ago to deal with long term abuse, depression, anxiety and trauma. I began expressing in paintings how I felt and what I wanted my life to look like, trying to create in pictures what I couldn’t see or feel in reality and to express what I could feel. It was entirely self-directed; expressionistic and abstract in quality. I had no official training in painting, I just...began.
I have come to love and prefer this exploratory method as it is congruent with my person-centred value of trusting our own internal voice. There can be a place for learning techniques and skills but I have found that an emphasis on instinct and embracing myself as a feeling being is fundamental in the process of creating. So when I opened my art business I was still in the stage of art being about me and my expression. What my art did was provide me with an outlet for my emotions, visions, thoughts and in all honesty: it was an attempt to make some money for my son and me, whilst I was training as a counsellor and trying to find some ground upon which to build a future. I have had a good deal of successes throughout the past three years; painting commissions, hosting my own exhibition, having my work appear in various galleries and some sales along the way but I am always striving to answer that question: In a world of so many creative and talented people, what can my art and art in general do?
During the last three years I have also worked part-time in a rehabilitation centre for addiction and trauma, which was a wonderful opportunity that came along serendipitously and I learnt a great deal from it. I was able to work with some inspiring people and sit alongside them on their recovery journey. Taking a person-centred approach in group work we would tentatively use art and poetry to explore emotions and hopes for their futures. We know from verbal and written feedback that clients found creating art and exploring art, enabled them to be present, find some peace and express themselves; create an external visual that embodied or bridged the gap between their inner and outer worlds
During that time my own art went through what I would call a fermenting period: I didn’t paint a great deal but I was absorbing and learning from people and practice. I decided to leave my job at the rehabilitation clinic due to a desire and need to manage my own mental and physical health, focusing on my future as a counsellor and artist. Again managing my own life seems an ongoing process; through constant self-reflection, I find I need to consistently monitor my own health in order to be able to care for others.
In the last year and quite organically; through becoming comfortable with acrylic painting, I started using watercolours. I was ready to explore different media and play with something I was unsure about and had always thought was very ‘wishy-washy’. Challenging my own tacit judgements, I discovered that the unpredictable way the colour would seep and merge reminded me of how life events are often interwoven, beautiful and random. There is a reassuring consistency in the way that the paint can be autonomous and sometimes unpredictable. For me this mirrors life and the counselling process; the relationship between myself and the paint, the counsellor and the client; allowing creativity to emerge in the space and being accepting of what is. Through this experimentation and a desire to find words to comfort my soul I began writing words for my paintings. I am also an avid collector of quotes through my love of reading and use these in my paintings. So, I finally started to answer the question “What does my art do?”
There are aspects of myself that still need healing, care, expression and encouragement and these paintings are a personal reminder to me to look after myself. But they are also attempt to make visible, words that might be whispering in others’ hearts, words that might resonate. They are an attempt at expressing and connecting internal experiences. I publish most of my work primarily on Twitter, Facebook, and my website and when requested, I print postcards and archival quality prints of the paintings. I have found that the watercolour paintings with words are some of the most popular and purchased pieces of work. I believe this is because they voice the gentlest and sometimes most painful parts of ourselves; giving our struggles, external expression of honesty and hope through the difficulties we can all face at times.
In my experience, one of the sneakiest aspects of depression and anxiety is how it can shut down a person’s world, at times paralysing energy, crushing hope and leaving them despairing. Particularly in the world of social media, where people are exposed to so many opinions and success stories, it can be difficult to stay attuned to our own internal locus of evaluation. It can appear at times that we are not now communicating and building relationships with people, but simply observers of people’s narratives, commentaries on their own lives. It is a dangerous paradigm where worthiness is measured by numbers of ‘likes’. However, I do also see people reaching out to one another, supporting one another; compassionate people searching for connection. People sometimes share my work through social media and it gives me hope that it will help someone in a small way and maybe even in big unknown ways too! I believe art can ‘assuage the anxiety of separateness’ (Rogers, 2004, p.356).
One of the challenges I face as a counsellor, artist and single parent (or ‘whole parent’ as I like to say) is how to hold my internal passions and compassion for people close to my heart whilst striving for financial stability and meeting the external expectations that the society places on me. A struggle for balance is always present. When I began my journey in counselling and from there my journey as an artist, I didn’t really have a specific plan and any plan that I did have has often been derailed and taken many colourful turns. It is sometimes tempting to start from a position of needing to change and grow as maybe clients do when they enter counselling. They want to move from pain to pleasure, out of sadness to happiness. However, the ‘curious paradox’ is true; by way of being present and accepting of self, there is somehow a subtle shifting and life naturally changes. When I really listen to my voice, sit with where I am, embrace what I love and express that, magic can happen.
For me it has become clear that counselling is one of the most precious ways a person can heal, by being seen and heard, prized and understood. Creating the space that allows someone to look within and the gravity of what occurs in that space can be quite magical and it can change people’s lives as I’m sure many of you know even more than me at this stage in my learning. There are still too many people on waiting lists, people unable to access support, people that struggle alone, unable to reach out for a multitude of reasons. I hope that in some way by sharing my artwork I can connect with people and that they find comfort and inspiration in their painful and lonely moments. In the same way I hope that as a counsellor, committed to continued personal development, understanding people’s needs and through practice of the person-centred approach, I can help people in their struggles. Unconditional positive regard, empathy, connection and congruence are truly the cornerstones of all my work.
My hope is that art becomes more of a way of helping people to express the pain and hope that they cannot put into words. A way for people to find comfort and soothing of their souls in this often bittersweet world. I have recently been able to share my artwork in a local school and work with the children to discover what art means for them and how to express themselves through this medium. In our first session I asked the children who would consider themselves as ‘an artist’; five children (out of twenty-six) raised their hands. I asked them again at the end of our five sessions together, which modelled a person-centred approach and twenty-one of the children raised their hands. Having carried out qualitative and quantitative research I know this result is open to interpretation and scrutiny, but the difference in numbers, their expressed confidence, excitement and self-definition was significant and this brought me joy. Hopefully by encouraging them to listen to their inner voice and expression from an early age, we will make a small drop in a large ocean of humans that desperately need confidence in themselves as the artistic directors of their own lives.
I am looking forward to the rest of my diploma and the years beyond; enjoying my art and becoming a fully trained art therapist one day but I am staying open to discovering what the years ahead hold. Rogers himself wrote ‘My attitude is very well expressed by Max Weber, the artist, when he says “In carrying on my own humble creative effort, I depend greatly upon that which I do not yet know, and upon that which I have not yet done.”’ (Rogers, 2004, p.23) and this I echo looking towards my own future. If you’d like to share your experiences with art and creativity; personally or professionally, please contact me by email or through any of the social media channels below. Finally, if you feel any of my work can be useful for your practice and clients, would like to collaborate or have any thoughts or feelings you would like to share, I would love to hear from you.
You can find me on Facebook,TwitterInstagram and my website: http://www.lynneblundellart.com